Thursday, September 27, 2012

the past is the past.

I feel like that's been my 'life theme' for the past little while.  Because one thing I've come to learn is that saying exactly.  "The past is the past" Forgive. Let it go. And by doing that, you will forget.

Now we all know how the saying goes, "forgive and forget" or the classic, "i'll forgive, but i'll never forget." And I can say that I've let that last saying of "forgive but i'll never forget" control my life for what feels like too long now. When something or someones actions really hurt you, it's hard to forgive let alone forget and it gives you this anger and/or unhappiness, it really holds you back from your full potential of happiness. But I've found through personal experience that the bitterness, resentment, and hurt/anger is much more stressful and hard to live with than the act of forgiving itself. I think more than anything pride is what holds us back from forgiving and letting go. Well I can say in my case, that was a huge factor. Of what others would think if I were to forgive and really let go of it. Let it be the past.

Now lucky or unlucky(?) for me, it's really easy for me to forgive someone. Anyone who knows my past knows that. But it's the forgetting part and letting go that's a little harder. Which in a way I guess you could say really isn't forgiving if you're still holding onto it and not letting go, ya know? ANYWAYS, for too long now I've carried this resentment and cared too much about what others would think if I were to really forgive nd forget about a past friendship I had. And since my missionary has left, I've kind of went with the saying of "do whatever you feel, not what people want or think you should." And as I mentioned in one of my last posts is that I knew coming into this "situation" of being a missionary girlfriend, opportunities would present themselves to me while he's gone that if I don't pay attention, will pass by and won't be given to me again. And well, letting go of that resentment and really moving on and forward, letting the past be the past with that relationship has been one of those opportunities.

Without going into too much detail, we were BEST friends from high school. Inseperable. Anyone at school could tell you that. We looked nothing alike but people still asked if we were sisters or related. Haha. We were like the same person in two different bodies. We talked the same, liked and loved the same types of things, thought the same things before the other person would say it...we were just very close. I considered and loved her like my sister. (and when I say that, I mean it and that is a serious position for me to put you at...haha. Because anyone who knows me knows how my sisters are everything to me.)  So anyway, we had a falling out almost a year after graduation. Well I guess you could say a major falling out, that completely ended our friendship. And since than, I carried that resentment and hurt with me almost everyday.  Those close to me knew the situation and I love them all cause they were always there for me and had my back, but I don't think anyone besides me and that friend could understand how the situation really felt.  It constantly being on my mind...not the situation itself, but of our friendship. There were other parts to our falling out that I was able to work on after time and patch up but as far as my friendship w/my best friend, I literally thought of it on a daily basis. I went through the hurt and hateful faze, and than it was just more of a missing feeling I guess you'd say. I let go of how my friend hurt me but not of our friendship I guess you'd say. Its hard to really explain... We didn't talk at all after our falling out. That 'not talking ' lasted for almost 3 years.

I don't think that you can really be that close to someone and love them so much and than really be able to let that go. Breaking up with a best friend is something I never thought would be so hard until I went through this experience. And if you've never experienced it, well than I probably sound like a big weird-o to you. Haha. Anyways, that friend reached out to me unexpectedly one day ( nearly 3 years later) and I'm very grateful she did. Because we were able to hash everything out and move past it. We'd both been carrying it on our shoulders so it was great to be able to let it go nd move on with our own lives. I know things could never go back to exactly how they use to be with that friend, but I'm happy we can at least talk or be at the same place together and be good.  People may have their opinions on our friendship. But I don't care.

I can't express enough how much weight TRUE FORGIVENESS takes off of you. Forgiving and moving on. And when you do that, you will find happiness that lets you live without thinking of those unhappy feelings on the daily. You'll never forget the lessons you learned,  but you'll be able to live without thinking about it (all the time). 

Because It's never too late to forgive. and because The past is the past.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Warning: Crying Will Occur When Reading

My co-worker showed me this song today at work and we briefly skimmed over the blog. Of coarse we cried so we had to stop for the sake of our jobs. Hah. Than when I got home from work I played the song for my sister and we read some of the blog posts. Saying we cried is an understatement.

It's about a little boy named Ronan. Who died from cancer at the age of 4. His mom has a blog about his story and Taylor Swift saw it and made a song about it. It's a must read/hear. Makes you feel a little guilty...for possibly taking what you have for granted...your health along with your loved ones.

He's the cutest little boy and his story deserves to be heard to help inspire others to be grateful.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

my best friends wedding

August 31st, 2012. My little sister got married. It was a last minute decision, (last minute meaning a 4 day notice. haha.) so it was small and simple with just our close family.

I'm so happy for her nd her new little family.
..memories in the making! (: