Thursday, November 7, 2013

when your words bite you in the butt

I can't explain the excitement that takes place in me when people this week have asked when he'll be home and I can say, "on Monday..." unlike when I use to have to say a year or in a few months.

Elder Atiga's original homecoming date was October 8th, 2013 but he was offered to extend in which he gladly accepted and his new homecoming date was changed to November 11th, 2013.

Now I'll be 100% honest, when he first emailed me that he extended and so he'd be coming home a month later...I was bummed. Haha. This was about a month before he was to come home. So I had the countdown set in my mind than he told me he'd be staying longer and so I had to tack on another 30+ days. (dramatic? haha.) BUT, after about 24 hours I checked myself and realized the blessing that would come from it and that I was blessed to have such an amazing man that didn't even hesitate to want to serve the lord as long as they needed him to. I'm sure he'd extend for another year if he was offered...& that would probably take more than 24 hours for me to get over. Haha.

^^^This all leads to my "post title." Which is kind of funny when I think of it now yet embarrassing to think of saying it and more embarrassing to admit. haha. It dates back to October 12th, 2011. Elder Atiga & I, along with my sisters and Elder Atiga's 2 best friends were on our way to the MTC to drop him off. We were talking about the mission and how things would be, etc. and I told him (jokingly yet slightly serious haha.), "you better not extend your mission & you better not shake my hand at the airport when we see each other again for the first time." LOL.We both laughed but I was kind of dead serious and he kind of knew I was, too. He knows how I am. haha. & Don't you dare judge me. You know you would feel the same. haha.
ANYWAYS, two weeks ago when we were emailing on his p-day, I brought it up (jokingly, while we were 'haha'ing' about things). I told him, "so I told you not to extend and you did which I'm happy and fine with now & so I'm pretty sure you're going to just shake my hand at the airport & I will have no choice but to eventually get over that. haha" & To that he responded, "would you hate me, cause I really was planning on just shaking your hand but I know it'll probably be awkward cause I'll be hugging everyone else that is there. it'll just be awesome to finish the mission strong."

this is me ---->     -_-


haha. Jk. OBVIOUSLY it wasn't the reunion I'd pictured, but as long as he is THERE and healthy and well....I'm grateful & I'll take it. haha. No but really. that is being 100% honest.
There is a missionary girlfriend facebook page and a few weeks ago, a missionary girlfriend posted how her missionary died that morning in Mexico while serving. My heart sunk. I couldn't even imagine. I couldn't. Her along with the Elder's family are often in my prayers... So with that being said, as long as my man returns home safely...I'll take a flippen' handshake. (until he is released and no longer an elder.) (; (;

It is also apparent that he, very much so, will be in full RM mode and quite a bit of a nerd. haha. I'm bracing myself for that just like I'm bracing myself for the fact that I may be judged for things I do or say that he may not be use to. haha. (The door swings both ways right)

Anyways, that's all for today. I'm officially off of work for the next 5 days so I will be blogging more in depth on whats going on in the mind of a missionary girlfriend days before he's to get home. (: 

four. days. people. 

that's all I have to say. 

oh and p.s. excuse me for any grammatical errors, when I get excited or feel like I have a lot in mind to write, I tend to not write things correctly or spell things wrong. oops!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

long distance mind games

so it's almost down to the last 60 days. August 8th will begin the 60 day countdown until I see my missionary! Excited is an understatement if you ask how I feel about that. But I must say, these last 6 months have definitely got to me unlike any other time frame of the wait so far.

(*in comes the long distance mind games*)

Lately it's felt like time has flown by but at the same time it feels like so long since I've seen him. At this point, I really have to remember us. That sentence just sounded horrible. What I mean is, at this point, it's been over 22 months that we've been apart/ seen one another/ hung out/ went on dates/ done things normal couples do/ etc., and with that being said I really have to remind myself of the memories and try and remember them. Remember how it feels. I mean, my love is still there and has really has. In a way I can't explain. You know if you've been through a missionary relationship what I'm talking about. But when it's been that long, you kind of forget things and you have to remind yourself of how it feels. I don't know if that makes sense?

There are times where you do get a reminder of that feeling when you get a letter or an email and he reaffirms how much he loves you, etc.. Or when you have a dream about him. And the dream feels so real! We're on a date after he's come home, it's his homecoming, we're just hanging out like we use to...than I wake up and realize it was all a dream. haha. I've had all of those dreams (and than some) and every single one is a life saver to me. Because every time, they make me feel as if we just hung out. hah. Sounds so weird when I say it out loud or write it, but it's true. Those dreams and those letters will bring back that feeling that makes things a little easier and that makes my love grow regardless of the distance and the extent of communication we're allowed to have. And I'm more in love than I was before.
But of coarse, with the highs come the lows. And just like those feelings come, they also go. And it's just another waiting game to get them reaffirmed within myself. It's a crazy mind game, this long-distance-missionary-girlfriend-relationship.

90% of the time the letters and emails are about spiritual experiences and his testimony and how he's growing spiritually. Which don't get me wrong are great! But than the mind game comes into play and I have to just keep in mind that I can't let myself get caught up in always getting the sappy, lovey dovey letters and/or emails. Cause again, he needs to be focused. I can't complain if I don't hear it as much as I'd like to. Because it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me as much as I feel I love him.

With talking about the memories, and having to reflect on those to try and keep my head right & to remember what I'm waiting for, I than start to realize more and more as time passes by, that he's changed. He's grown and become more mature. Spiritually mature to be specific. Like on a whole 'nother level. He's the same guy I've loved the last 7+ years of my life...but than he's different. And it starts to make me feel nervous or second guess myself. If I'm good enough for this guy who seems so perfect. So deep into the gospel. And I feel so simple in comparison.
My mind starts thinking, what if those memories and those things that I loved so much about us, about him, aren't the same once he's home. I go through the wait, waiting for that same relationship we left off with almost 2 years ago, and than when he gets back, we're together again, and it's different. Will it be good or will it be too different? Agh, I hate even thinking this way. But I'm just writing down something I've never actually said out loud or written before. I've thought it, but was too nervous to actually put it out there.

I love Elder Atiga. Just as much as I did before he left. And I miss him so much. I just want to be together again. And I don't doubt us.
I just realized this was probably a super debbie downer blog post..especially considering it's been some time since I've last blogged. But this was just a post of the moment. Me thinking out loud and putting my thoughts into my blog. I've felt selfish for not sharing more of how I've felt going through this journey. That was the whole point of making this blog. For others going through this experience to relate to or understand. The last 3 months or so have been hard, since he's become an assistant to the president and than becoming AP to a brand new mission they opened up. The Irvine, CA mission. So we haven't talked as in depth as we always have. When he is able to write, it's pretty short and brief. So it's got my mind all over the place. which you know by now. hah. But I am still forever grateful for him and the example he is to me. Always making me want to be better. And although he's away and we aren't able to share your typical relationships type of love and affection, he still finds ways to be there for me even though he's not here.

To those who are going to be new to a "missionary relationship," I hope I didn't scare you. haha I honestly wouldn't change anything about this experience or having to go through it. It's hard, but the love we have gained thus far by pushing through it, and seeing how much he's grown and his love for the gospel makes it all worth it. To those who are going through it right now, i think by you reading this, you can tell that I can relate and can say I feel your pain. haha. And to those who do not have to experience this and have your loved ones available to you now, be grateful. Hug them a little tighter, kiss them a little longer, be a littler nicer than usual. haha. Because not everyone gets that everyday. And it's a blessing (:

That's all for tonight and holy cow, if that wasn't a ramble post I don't know what is. Oh and I only listened to this song like 100 times while writing this post. haha. story of my life!

Monday, April 15, 2013

the 4th quarter

so it's finally here! the 4th quarter of the mission. I can't even believe it when I sit and think about it, how much time has flown, and that the Tuesday after the next upcoming General Conference in October (for the LDS church), I'll be seeing him again after 2 years apart! there's so many emotions but the main one being excitement fills me when I think of that day being right around the corner! this past Friday, the 12th makes it 18 months since he's left! ahhhh!!

I can't wait to go on dates again and have someone to text or call when everyone else is busy or doing things I absolutely don't want to do. haha. 175 days until I not only see my boyfriend but until I have my best friend back.

my goals have been in full affect. so 4th quarter..... let's get it! (;

Friday, February 15, 2013

v. day


Last Valentines Day without Elder Atiga!!! It sounds better each time I say it. Haha. I've mentioned before in a blog post how I'm a "gifts girl" (I ain't gonna lie). I LOVE to get gifts and thoughtful things and I LOVE to give gifts even more. BUT, ever since I've been a missionary girlfriend (the last 16 1/2 months) I've gotten over that.(...well at least for now, no promises if that'll last when he's home! hahaha.)  Cause I know he doesn't have much money and time and should be focusing more on other things. SO, that being said, I didn't expect anything today for Valentines Day. Than I got a picture sent to me on Facebook of this....


The green is Elder Atiga's friend that is in his current ward and than obviously the white is Elder Atiga talking. Haha. and after seeing this, my heart did melt..I won't lie. And I was content with my Valentines Day. THAN, I got home, and had an envelope. But a bigger one than usual. And when I opened it there was a CD in a case with a post it. He wrote a mini note on the post it and than I popped the CD/DVD in my computer and it was a video he made me!!! (: Saying happy valentines and so on..and than he did a mini music video lip-syncing to a country song I LOVE and said I want as one of our wedding songs. That sly devil. I was surprised for sure. (:

Love him.
8 more months and he's mine.
Happy Valentines!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

1 Year Ago

We woke up at 5, washed up, got ready in what we laid out the night before, grabbed the packed bags and video camera, and left the house to make it in time for our 6am check in. On the drive to the hospital we video camera'd and asked how my sister was feeling and we all smiled and waved at the camera with our crusty early morning faces. haha We got to the Murray IMC hospital and recorded my (over-due) little sister as she walked around with her big round belly. We were all so excited and nervous and were under the assumption we'd meet my niece in no time. We all made bets on the time..11am, 12pm, 2pm, 4pm, and 8pm. Long story short my dad (the last person we thought would have guessed it right) won and Caleah Lani Bloomfield was born at 8:14pm that night. (14 hours after we got to the hospital.)

Don't get me wrong, I think watching someone give birth is an amazing experience (if you know really know them. haha) but it is also beyond horrifying and I think could be considered a form of birth control. haha.  ESP. the after birth. Omg. Worth thing I've ever seen. Lol. ANYWAYS, (literally) seeing Caleah come to the world and meeting her was the best "meet and greet" I've ever had. She was so perfect and I couldn't keep from crying when first seeing her. I've always had doubts about love at first sight until I met my niece. I remember that night when I got home I just cried because I was so overwhelmed with gratitude. That she came to this world safely and that my sister made it through okay. You really do feel the pure love of Christ through a baby/child.

Since than, this past year, it's been so fun watching my niece grow and learn new things. She is the #1 thing to put me automatically in a good mood. She is such a brat but such a nice girl at the same time...I promise. Haha. I couldn't imagine our family without her. Through all the differences there has been since we found out about her existence, she has brought 2 families together and we are ALL head over hills for her. She is so loved and I'm so worried for her when it comes time to date. Haha. She has 7(+) very over protective uncles. Poor girl, but that's why it's good she has 7 aunties! haha. Being an auntie is THE BEST.

These are just a few pics of her first birthday party this past weekend. January 19th, 2013. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BEEM A YEAR!

first meeting her (:

Subtle Signs

So I'll admit...sometimes I get doubts in my head. And they always creep up when I'm most vulnerable. Ain't that how it works?! Annoying! Anyways, they're of the possibility of things changing between me and my missionary. Not on my end really but on his. Of him not feeling the same, changing his mind...or him coming home and the both of us finding that it doesn't "feel" the same and walking away from it all..what we've built for seven years. Sad thoughts/doubts, right?! Hah. Anyways, yes... I OBVIOUSLY have my debbie downer days. Even though he tells me every week in his letters that he loves me..those thoughts seem to just creep up. (Female Problems!! Lol.)

So with this being said, it NEVER fails..subtle signs pop up that I feel the Lord gives me to assure me that it's all gonna be okay. Those subtle signs being Tiffany and Jeff, Marie, Dave, Chris, and Noelle.
Those names are of friends that Elder Atiga has made through his mission.  And they've found me on Facebook and have sent me messages telling me of how they heard about me from Elder Atiga and how they know he loves me.

Everything happens for a reason and has a purpose and it's so crazy when you really stop to notice that in situations throughout your life. Things as simple as meeting someone or sending them a message/saying hey.  I don't think these people really know that they are blessings to me and how much their messages mean to me. (: I dunno what I've done to be given these blessings/signs right when I need them..but I must be doing something right! hah. So if they happen to read this, THANK YOU Tiffany and Jeff, Marie, Dave, Chris, and Noelle...for your time, sweet messages, and friendship.. they mean more than you know to me. (:

p.s. Everyone should know I only have less than 9 months until he comes home!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (: