Sunday, July 24, 2016
As a married couple with no kids, the number one question you are asked is, "so when are you going to have a baby?" (Well at least for newly married mormon couples that's the first question asked I would say.) Muka and I have been no exception to this question. It's been almost 2 years that we've been married now and we have been asked that more times than I can even count. Haha. And the answer is always the same, "we are trying....so as soon as the lord knows we are ready!" And we both know those words to be true. We HAVE been trying basically since being married. Nothing has (obviously) happened. And we KNOW that the lord has things in store for us and that it'll happen when it needs to and is meant to.
...However, like any other woman out there...after you've been trying for some time, you get sort of nervous when it hasn't just happened like you thought it did. I've had that fear of having issues of getting pregnant since I was in high school. That may have sounded wrong, haha....I DID NOT try or want to try and get pregnant than, but just due to certain female things being a little off, it was a thought that would cross my mind. And here I am now so it definitely has worried me a little. I can't lie that I haven't prayed for conformation and comfort that I will be blessed to be able to bare children in this life and with that being said, I am now at a point where I honestly am trusting in the lords timing and it happening when it's meant to. My focus right now is just getting my health right and making sure all is well with my body and if it is, than we are good! I know babies will come. :) Anyways, after my long intro to the purpose of this post (me rambling per usual) I will now cut to the chase.
I have had some very interesting dreams lately. And some of those dreams have been heavy on my mind lately....so I wanted to get them out the way I like to get other things out that leave an impression on me...via my blog. :)
Through my dreams, I believe I have met my unborn daughter. 3 times now she's come to me in my dreams. I have not seen the details of her face to know what she looks like, but I know her spirit, and I know it's her. I've already shared this with my husband, my 2 sisters, and my mom and I was 100% fine when telling them, but right now I can't stop crying as I type this. Haha. (I swear I'm not crazy)
The first time I had a dream with her was maybe 2-3 months ago. and it was my niece Caleah and this little girl and I was walking them to the school bus stop. I won't go into all the details, that's just the main part of the dream was me walking the two of them to the bus. I didn't know specifically who the little girl was, but I knew her. If that makes sense. I thought when thinking about it after waking up that maybe it was Caleah's future sibling?
Than last week, I had a scary dream that I was at home with Caleah and the girl and I had heard someone break into the house from the basement, and with Caleah being older I hid them in a closet and told Caleah that they had to be quiet and not come out for any reason. So Caleah was brave, held the little girls hand and they stayed in the closet. I of course shot one of the two guys dead that broke in but the second guy wasn't going down and i ran out of bullets, and all I could think of when he was coming towards me was Caleah and the little girl in the closet and praying the lord would keep them safe no matter what happened. I than forced myself awake.
Less than a week after that dream, it randomly came to my mind the memory of that dream and the one dream before with the same little girl. And it automatically just came to me. Completely out of no where. My sisters and I were talking about something completely different, and I randomly said, that little girl in my dreams that's always with Caleah. It's my unborn daughter.
This was just a week ago and since than I hadn't been able to get it off my mind. So the other day as I was in my thoughts, I asked that if this were to really be my baby....to let me have another dream of her. To confirm it. And last night she was in my dreams again. :)
We were at my family reunion and everyone was at my parents house. We were setting up tables and things when I heard my Grandma Sena call my name on the left side of me. For those of you who don't really know me, my Grandma Sena passed away in March of 2014 and all growing up, she raised and watched me and my siblings while my parents worked. We were very close with her and I think of and miss her all of the time since she passed away. This is the 3rd dream she's been in of mine since her passing and i know it's her way of visiting me. Back to the dream, sorry....so I heard my name being called and knew it was my grandma's voice. I turned to my left and saw her smiling at me. Unlike the dreams I had of her before, I knew that she was dead and it was just her spirit, but I went to her and she walked me around to the other side of the table. As I was following her my cousin Cilla saw me crying and asked what was wrong and I was just pointing at my Grandma crying, I couldn't even talk but Cilla couldn't see what I was talking about. Once around the table, my grandma knelt down and I knelt down behind her...but as I got to my knees and looked up, my grandma wasn't there anymore. Instead it was that little girl. My daughter. And i knew for sure that it was her and I just held her hands and cried.
I know some people may not believe in this kind of stuff, and I get it. I never even knew you could dream about meeting people you've never "met" but you've known or will know...But there's just some things that happen and they leave you with a feeling you can't deny. I know Muka and I will be blessed with children of our own and that for now they are in the presence of our Heavenly Father and in the loving care of my Grandma Sena just like my sibling and I were growing up. I know she knows I was sad that she passed a few months before I got married and that she wasn't able to be there at the temple. That's why I felt her spirit so strong with me the day I went through and the first several visits i had to the temple after being married. And when needed most she'd be in my dreams. And now I know that maybe she conversed with the lord to know that I'd been worrying about being able to have a baby in this life so she came to me in my dream, to let me feel her presence along with the presence of my baby. I know the lord works in mysterious ways and I feel blessed to be given those dreams of comfort. Tender mercies. He knows my heart and my worries, and what my spirit needed. He heard my prayers and wanted me to know he did. He and my Grandma Sena.
At times that I think about the strong bond I have with my siblings and my niece & I can't even fathom how it'd be when I have my own babies. Grateful to already feel the eternal bond I have with my (unborn) daughter before we've officially met on earth. Going to bed with a happy and full heart.
at 1:54 AM