update

I've been the worst blogger on this earth lately. Things have been really busy and I feel like my life is so unorganized right now. Even though I'm not in school I find a way to procrastinate, esp. with my goals. haha. Horrible, I know. 

 I've hit this point of now being use to being "single"...I mean, I gotta man..haha...but we're always apart and are doing our own thing and that hasn't fazed our relationship at all but I've hit the point where I'm use to it. The being on my own, making my own plans, not revolving it around someone else and their agenda. And that's in a bad way. Haha. I've done some serious slacking. A year has passed and the only goal I've almost accomplished and stayed consistent with is getting my debt paid off. I've been thinking a lot about it lately and needing to get the ball rolling but still haven't. Than today, I got my letter from my missionary and it was another vibing moment we had. haha. He talked about goals and how important they are. He brought up something that stuck out to him from this past general conference which was from President Uchtdorf "Good intentions aren't good enough...we must do!" He also brought up how Elder Bednar said once that our character is often defined on how well we set our goals and how active and committed we are to reaching them. And obviously I felt very guilty. Haha. At the end of this all, I wanna make sure I feel worthy to have such a worthy man of god. Any other MG's dealing with the same thing?! Or just me? ha. Anyways...starting today I'm going to fix that laziness and my next blog post will be on updates of my goal progress. (; 

Updates on Lately....

-Elder Atiga became a Zone Leader his most recent transfer (about 3 weeks ago) and so he's been really busy. It's already changed him so much since becoming a zone leader. It's been fun to see. How he's kinda getting a missionary "nerdy-ness" to him...that's not a bad thing, it's just different to see coming from my elder. haha.

-He found out his official date to come home!!!!!!!!!!! October 15th 2013!!!!!!!! It was the best news I could ever get. hah. almost just 11 more months to go. It's insane. (: (: (:

-my niece is 9 months! and such a monster (she'll get her own post soon) she is going to be a little pig for halloween! (:

our pumpkins this year

That's it for now!! I joined team Iphone so I now have an instagram! haha. Follow me, my name is Cassidinae (: (:

Until next time!!!!

one year

the day has finally come!!!
this past Friday, October 12th marked ONE YEAR since Elder Atiga left for the mission.

The actual day (of our year mark) and the day before I had non-stop flashbacks of a year ago. (You can find that post here.) It is the best feeling ever to know that we've already accomplished a year of the mission and have just 1 more to go! This past year flew by so I really gotta kick it into gear this next upcoming year. I have goals I set to achieve while he's gone, (see here) and so I really need to get on those!

To the old me....or to just "other people" in general, another year seems like so long, but now it seems like a small amount of time. This past year went by soooo fast! and I'm lovin it.

So Friday night I thought I'd go out to "celebrate" the accomplishment. Hah. (:
Dinner nd a movie with the sisters (:

1 year down...1 to go (:

the past is the past.

I feel like that's been my 'life theme' for the past little while.  Because one thing I've come to learn is that saying exactly.  "The past is the past" Forgive. Let it go. And by doing that, you will forget.

Now we all know how the saying goes, "forgive and forget" or the classic, "i'll forgive, but i'll never forget." And I can say that I've let that last saying of "forgive but i'll never forget" control my life for what feels like too long now. When something or someones actions really hurt you, it's hard to forgive let alone forget and it gives you this anger and/or unhappiness, it really holds you back from your full potential of happiness. But I've found through personal experience that the bitterness, resentment, and hurt/anger is much more stressful and hard to live with than the act of forgiving itself. I think more than anything pride is what holds us back from forgiving and letting go. Well I can say in my case, that was a huge factor. Of what others would think if I were to forgive and really let go of it. Let it be the past.

Now lucky or unlucky(?) for me, it's really easy for me to forgive someone. Anyone who knows my past knows that. But it's the forgetting part and letting go that's a little harder. Which in a way I guess you could say really isn't forgiving if you're still holding onto it and not letting go, ya know? ANYWAYS, for too long now I've carried this resentment and cared too much about what others would think if I were to really forgive nd forget about a past friendship I had. And since my missionary has left, I've kind of went with the saying of "do whatever you feel, not what people want or think you should." And as I mentioned in one of my last posts is that I knew coming into this "situation" of being a missionary girlfriend, opportunities would present themselves to me while he's gone that if I don't pay attention, will pass by and won't be given to me again. And well, letting go of that resentment and really moving on and forward, letting the past be the past with that relationship has been one of those opportunities.

Without going into too much detail, we were BEST friends from high school. Inseperable. Anyone at school could tell you that. We looked nothing alike but people still asked if we were sisters or related. Haha. We were like the same person in two different bodies. We talked the same, liked and loved the same types of things, thought the same things before the other person would say it...we were just very close. I considered and loved her like my sister. (and when I say that, I mean it and that is a serious position for me to put you at...haha. Because anyone who knows me knows how my sisters are everything to me.)  So anyway, we had a falling out almost a year after graduation. Well I guess you could say a major falling out, that completely ended our friendship. And since than, I carried that resentment and hurt with me almost everyday.  Those close to me knew the situation and I love them all cause they were always there for me and had my back, but I don't think anyone besides me and that friend could understand how the situation really felt.  It constantly being on my mind...not the situation itself, but of our friendship. There were other parts to our falling out that I was able to work on after time and patch up but as far as my friendship w/my best friend, I literally thought of it on a daily basis. I went through the hurt and hateful faze, and than it was just more of a missing feeling I guess you'd say. I let go of how my friend hurt me but not of our friendship I guess you'd say. Its hard to really explain... We didn't talk at all after our falling out. That 'not talking ' lasted for almost 3 years.

I don't think that you can really be that close to someone and love them so much and than really be able to let that go. Breaking up with a best friend is something I never thought would be so hard until I went through this experience. And if you've never experienced it, well than I probably sound like a big weird-o to you. Haha. Anyways, that friend reached out to me unexpectedly one day ( nearly 3 years later) and I'm very grateful she did. Because we were able to hash everything out and move past it. We'd both been carrying it on our shoulders so it was great to be able to let it go nd move on with our own lives. I know things could never go back to exactly how they use to be with that friend, but I'm happy we can at least talk or be at the same place together and be good.  People may have their opinions on our friendship. But I don't care.

I can't express enough how much weight TRUE FORGIVENESS takes off of you. Forgiving and moving on. And when you do that, you will find happiness that lets you live without thinking of those unhappy feelings on the daily. You'll never forget the lessons you learned,  but you'll be able to live without thinking about it (all the time). 

Because It's never too late to forgive. and because The past is the past.

Warning: Crying Will Occur When Reading

My co-worker showed me this song today at work and we briefly skimmed over the blog. Of coarse we cried so we had to stop for the sake of our jobs. Hah. Than when I got home from work I played the song for my sister and we read some of the blog posts. Saying we cried is an understatement.

It's about a little boy named Ronan. Who died from cancer at the age of 4. His mom has a blog about his story and Taylor Swift saw it and made a song about it. It's a must read/hear. Makes you feel a little guilty...for possibly taking what you have for granted...your health along with your loved ones.

He's the cutest little boy and his story deserves to be heard to help inspire others to be grateful.

The Blog Post...'Where is Ronan?'

my best friends wedding

August 31st, 2012. My little sister got married. It was a last minute decision, (last minute meaning a 4 day notice. haha.) so it was small and simple with just our close family.

I'm so happy for her nd her new little family.
..memories in the making! (:

sunday's food for thought

So I came across this quote by Gordon B. Hinckley, "Life is to be enjoyed, not endured." I read it and thought how meant to be it was for me to read and think about. Because often times I find myself getting so caught up in wishing I could just fast forward to the day my missionary will be home, and not caring about experiencing the "in-between" portion. Isn't that sad? haha (Well probably more pathetic, than sad...that's what I meant. Lol) But it's true, I've thought of that a time or two..(or three, four, whatever?) and than I have to remember what Elder Atiga writes me. About enjoying the now and this experience. And I know that he's so right. Rather than (literally) just trying to endure to the end I need to enjoy this journey up until it ends. Because there is so much that I know is set up for me during this time to do and accomplish and can only be done when I enjoy this and use my time wisely, rather than just going through the motions to let time pass and have my man home again! haha. Opportunities are only guaranteed for so long until another one comes up and the one before is completely gone. So yeah, that's just a little "food for thought" i thought i'd share today! (: and hopefully this quote helps more than just myself (;

venting from a long distance relationship

 

 I can't lie when I say, I want to fill like I'm number one. Because who doesn't wanna feel that way in their relationship? (Well up until you have kids, that is.) Let's be honest people. Haha. But when becoming a missionary girlfriend you have to change that mind frame, completely. or you won't last.

Maybe you've never had that feeling..and maybe it's just me? Ha. I think this want of "number-one-ness" comes from when I was younger (and thought I was old enought to date. Haha.) I remember my first boyfriend I had, and going to pick him up to go out on a double date. When getting to his house he basically said he wasn't coming because all his friends were there and it was  "bros before hoes." (You're probably saying that must be a joke, right? haha. Yeah, that's what I think too now looking back at it.) But I can't tell you how much of a fool I felt like when hearing that. I felt like the biggest idiot ever. (Obviously) And telling myself I was going to be with someone that had pride in calling me his "girlfriend" and put me before any of his friends. And I'll admit, for half of me and Muka's relationship (in the beginning) I felt that way. Cause it was an insecurity from my previous relationship.

It wasn't until we really decided on the mission, that my mind frame changed. I knew he had to put the mission and the lord first. And that's what I wanted. Cause I had learned and had a testimony of when centering your life on the gospel, everything else falls into place and is as should be. Like I've said in previous posts, Muka and I went through rough patches throughout high school and through his first year in college..we broke up for awhile and through those times the most comforting thing to me was the gospel. Praying got me through the night and scriptures helped me keep my mind right. And I like to think that those choices I made during the hardest times are what brought him back to me. I centered my life nd my trust in the lord and he brought Muka back into my life. Our relationsihop was completely different afterwards. It was better than ever before.

With all this being said, once you decide to stay with your missionary..through the whole mission process, you know that you are the last thing that should be on his mind or as his focus. And the number one thing you wanna keep from becoming is a distraction. This meaning you cannot really vent all the times you get sad or discouraged, because we all know debbie downers do nothing but either bring people down or annoy them. And we as MG's don't wanna do either of those! ha. And although its what you want...(for him to center his life on his mission)..doesn't mean its easy. Because while he's focused on that, his mission..you are still focused on him..and your relationship. You are still where you were before he left..with constant reminders of you and him. Just minus the "him" being there. It kinda makes you feel like you are in a one sided relationship in a way..no matter how stable your relationship is or has been...it's hard to explain. It gets really hard for sure. For the most part it has been a good experience for me, not that hard. Yeah, well maybe I spoke too soon, because this past weekend has not been the easiest.

story of my weekend

It's a weird thing. This long distance relationship...as a missionary girlfriend. Going from talking daily to once a week through a letter.  Seeing each other pretty much every day to twice a year (through skpye...if you're lucky). BUT,  I knew what I was getting myself into. For me, I have to continually keep in mind the blessings that come with patience and obedience and keep in mind the bigger picture. And that when you brake rules or make wrong choices , there are consequences. And I never want a consequence to affect my relationship with my missionary.

Oh the joys of being an emotional women. And oh the things that you can write on your blackberry late at night when you are missing him. Haha. And since I don't wanna be a debbie downer for my missionary and can't vent to him about this "missing him like crazy-ness"...all of you great followers get to read about it! Haha. Until the next vent/thoughts out loud sesh...

8 1/2 months and counting!
..15 1/2 to go!!! (: 
and i'm still loving my missionary. 

probably the cutest proposal everrrrr....

Click Here and enjoy!!!!!

what makes the wait worth waiting for

these 3 videos (click on the bullets below) changed my life. haha.
so these are for my MGs....
it's what makes it all worth it (:

• the homecoming

• save the date

• what we've worked for

and THAT is what makes the wait worth waiting for.

(:

missionary girlfriends

It's so easy to look at a relationship from the outside and state your opinion on what they should do or whats right or wrong. But when you are in the relationship, it's a lot easier said than done. We all know this when it comes to relationships. Well, same thing applies to a "missionary having a girlfriend" kind of relationship. It's like a Long Distance Relationship on a whole nother level. I definitely feel it's not fit for everyone, it's not easy, and is as much a mission for us girlfriends back home as it is for the Elders out on the field.

This is all coming to mind because I've noticed a few other MG's that have been dating around or that have recently broken up with their Elders. And as much as it makes me feel for them, it makes me even more sad to see peoples feedback to them. I'll admit, prior to Muka leaving I kinda had hard feelings towards the "dear john" girls or the girls that would date around but still claimed their missionary. But after experiencing the "missionary girlfriend" life these past 6 months, I've become more open minded to seeing why those decisions are made. It's funny how complex the human mind can be isn't it? How we're so quick to judge or state our opinion on a situation. But just like the saying goes, you really can't fully understand it, unless you've been through it.

I've lucked out in having my missionary pretty close by. He is serving in Anaheim, California and I live in West Valley, Utah. He writes me every P-Day (Monday) so I get a letter every Thursday. There's only been 2 weeks out of the 6 months that he was unable to write me. Those weeks, days, whatever way you wanna put it, can be pu-reety hard. Not hearing from him at all. And like I've said, the longest I've went without hearing from him is 2 weeks but there are TONS of MG's out there that are countries away from their missionaries and go months without hearing from them due to the mailing system in certain places. I couldn't image how hard that would be. I sooooooo look up to you ladies that go through that and maintain positivity and try and keep your love alive and active. Very few can do that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not interested in dating at all and I'm still in love with Elder Atiga. But those days, weeks, etc. that you go without hearing from them can take a toll on you and your emotions. I can now see how that happens to girls in a Missionary relationship. In those times of zero communication you get doubts, worries, sadness, all these emotions and there's nothing you can really do about it but wait. Wait to hear from him, whenever that may be, and when that time comes to see if he's still as much in love with you or your worst fear, that it's fading, the feeling between the two of you. Communication is key in a relationship so it's really hard when that communication is limited. That's where I think things get hard and change for some couples. Satan is working so hard on our boys. To wait for a time where they've let their guards down, to tempt them. And the same thing goes for us as their girlfriends. He's working hard on us, we don't have that continuous strong spirit and 24/7 doctrine like our missionaries do. We're still in the real world. Us as women are emotional beings as it is so he uses that to try and sway us from what we felt we were sure of. He puts doubts in our minds of "if our relationship is going to be like it was" or "that it's like you don't even have a boyfriend/relationship anymore." In those times you are pretty much relying on the memories and past letters or tape recordings to keep things going. To remember how your relationship was and what you are working for and waiting for. And it's like you can't express those things as much in your letters to him because you don't ever want to bring him down or sway his focus. It can definitely be done, when there's a will there's a way...but what I'm trying to get across is an understanding from people outside this situation to try and understand what it's like. To not be so quick to judge someone because it didn't last or didn't end up being what they'd thought it'd be. And a lot of times the elder feels the same.

I feel like for me, this journey so far has been easy 80% of the time. The hardest part thus far was before he left, like the last 2 months up to the day before he left. But since than it's actually surprised me with how "smooth" of an experience it's been. I mean yeah, I've gotten sad and cried and missed him like crazy, but I've been really okay and actually have really enjoyed it for the most part. Haha. Does that sound bad? I just know how solid we both are, with us. We've both been tested before this whole experience with our relationship and now we're experiencing what we've always wanted. So it's been kind of fun. Something "new" in the relationship. Waiting for letters, pictures, etc. It definitely makes you much more appreciative of one another I think. You appreciate hearing from them just a little more than before. You get so use to being with one another all the time so it's like you get that "missing" feeling back. And I think that "missing" is good for every couple. To get a little time apart to miss one another and appreciate what you have.

 As a missionary, you knows that you are being given the best opportunity of your life, the greatest gift of being able to be ordained as a missionary and go out and change peoples lives, give them the opportunity to eternity. And us as missionary girlfriends are given an equally great opportunity to be apart of that journey and to see him change into a man and gain a true testimony of the gospel. You are one of the main supports he will look to. So with that much being given to the both of you, you are required to endure all the hardships that come with this type of long distance relationship. Like the saying goes, To whom much is given, much is required. I know how much I've been given. It's such a blessing to experience and I wish everyone could experience it. Every struggle thus far is made so worth it when I get my Thursday letters and hear his testimony grow each week. My Muka is still there, but he's becoming the man I've always wanted..someone that can give me eternity.
6 1/2 months down, 17 1/2 to go!!!

the fonua's

Yesterday was a really special day for our family. My cousin Haili and her husband and family went through the temple together. It was the first time someone I'm really close to has went through the temple so it was exciting and fun to see. Haili is my first cousin on my moms side (her mom and my mom are sisters, but we are really more like sisters than cousins. We've went through a lot together) Haili and June have been married for almost 3 years now and have 4 beautiful kids. I've seen their relationship since the beginning and they've come SO far. They've been through pretty much everything that you could think of that would test a relationship. They've experienced some of the hardest trials together, one of those things being loosing their only daughter Seliniesi, and rather than turning to the worldly things to try and block out the pain (drinking, drugs, etc.) they turned to the lord and the gospel. Junior (Haili's husband) originally wasn't a member of the church, but after Selini, he completely turned his life around and later on ended up being baptized and now has his melchezidek priesthood. He is a great husband and father and you can just tell how much he appreciates his role as a priesthood holder. He is a great example to us girls in our family in how our future spouses should be. Haili is one of the strongest women I know. She has been through a lot but is always humble. She truly just always wants to help others and make them happy. I don't know many people that could go through what Haili has went through. They both have made their mistakes in life, they never claim to be perfect, but like the saying goes, "it's not what you've done but how you overcome it" and I'm so happy and proud of the choices they've made and how far they've come. I can't tell them how much of an example they are to me and everyone that knows them. You see it so much now-a-days, especially in younger couples I think, that when the going gets tough, they turn to the worldly things for help. Drugs, alcohol, going out/partying..those types of things...but to turn the other way, the right way when you are hurting/struggling the most, that takes true strength. It's always easier to do wrong than it is to do right. But hard work pays off and now they're together eternally and they'll get to be with Seliniesi again.

I'm so grateful for this gospel, the atonement, our Savior, and the plan of Salvation. And for Haili and June and their little family. (: I love my family! Here's some pics from this weekend!

her first day out nd about!

22 & in with the new...

So yesterday I turned 22 (: and I thought I'd share some things about myself..."22 Random Things"...

1.) Whenever I can't sleep, I play talks by President Uchtdorf that are on my laptop...and within minutes, I'm knocked out. Haha. I've even tried listening to other speakers, and they don't work as good as Uchtdorf..maybe it's the tone of his voice, orrrrr the accent? Ha. Idk, it just works everytime..like a charm (:
2.) I started working when I was 14 and that was as a life guard at Raging Waters water park.
3.) 9 times out of 10 i don't look at the price tags when I'm shopping (bad, i know)
4.) I am never on time for anything.
5.) I cry every time I watch "Extreme House Makeover"
6.) I've always been extremely shy when it comes to the opposite sex and "dating types of things"...When Elder Atiga and I started dating, it was January. We didn't first hold hands until later that year, in October. Our "first kiss" was in December. Guess it's my turn to wait for him?? ha. (;
7.) Reality TV is my guilty pleasure..along with Pretty Little Liars, Secret Life of an American Teenager, and The Game.
8.) I hate when the bathroom counter tops are wet and even worse, the floors.
9.) the "birthday suit" is my favorite suit to wear. hahaha. (;
10.) Reggae music automatically puts me in a good mood.
11.) I was always teased and embarrassed of my middle name growing up. Until I met Muka nd he made me feel as if it was the best name in the world. Now I believe him (:
12.) I have all my future kids names picked out.
13.) I believe B.M's are a true body reliever and a gift. Lol. If you don't know what I mean by a B.M I'll let you think about it. Haha.
14.) I hate touch screen phones. But now I feel like I want one just to have the game "Draw Something"
15.) I think white chocolate is disgusting.
16.) I often times buy clothes just because I feel like they'll be really cute to wear when I'm pregnant.
17.) My Macbook Laptop's name is Mac Henry..inspired by Elder Atiga's real first name which is Mark Henry. Creative thinking by me, huh? (: I thought so.
18.)If I could be one thing, I'd be obsessed with working out.
19.) There are 3 songs I can put on repeat and NEVER get sick of...Irreplaceable by Beyonce, Queen Majesty by Heavy D, and Crystal Clear by Lutan Fiyah.
20.) I think hippos are the scariest animals ever..in which wales would come next. Could you imagine having one of those come for you?! Agh, I can't even deal..
21.) I always have to check the egg carton before I buy eggs. To make sure they are -Cage Free" eggs Have you seen what they do to Caged Chickens?! :( Me and my sisters are determined to free caged chickens (0r turkeys) from the "slaughter barn" places they have em at. This will be when we're old and don't have much more years to go..so if we get busted and arrested, who gives, we'll only have a few more years to go..at least we stood up for a good cause! ha. It's for sure on our bucket list.
22.) When I was little I always wanted to grow up to be a librarian. haha.

My birthday this year was nice. It was laid back and "chill" I guess you could say. Which fits me perfectly! I woke up...(way too early) to watch my niece while my sister went to school. We had breakfast together, picked her out a cute outfit for the day, wrote her missionary uncle a letter, painted her nails for the first time, and listened to disney music. Even though I typically hate getting up early, especially on my days off...I could wake up every morning with her. She's my favorite thing to wake up to. (:

Her Orange Nails...She's now 2 1/2 months old. (:

Than I went to lunch with my mom and cousin at my favorite restaurant, Braza. :) In which after wards I went and got my eyebrows waxed (soooo needed) and than did some retail therapy. That took about 3 hours...than when I got home, this was the first thing I saw...

Wohoo!! Best thing to see as a Missionary Girlfriend!! Haha.

I opened my gift from him and than went to visit my niece Elikini Ilaise Iongi who was born the day before my   birthday, on the 29th. After visiting her my mom made dinner and than me and my sisters went to the movies and watched "This Means War"..i discovered another addition to my top 3 celebrity hotties. The new addition/new obsession for me..Tom Hardy. Agh, I LOVE him. (Incase you'd like to know, my top 3 celebrities are Channing Tatum, Tom Hardy, and Chris Hemsworth (Thor). (: (; (:
     

Afterwards we went home, ate birthday cake and than went to bed. While laying down for bed I listened to one side of the tape that Elder Atiga sent me. It was THE BEST thing ever to hear before going to bed..Hearing his voice, laugh, and sense of humor was the best ending of my day. Overall, I enjoyed my birthday this year. It started with my 2 favorite things, my niece Caleah in the morning, and my Elder Atiga before going to bed. :) 

I got a mische bag from our sista Isa (: I cute hand written/drawn card from my younger siblings, and than from the Elder..I letter, pictures, a tap of voice recordings, a music birthday card, and than 2 matching beanies that he made for me and my niece..haha. His companion taught him how to crochet..I didn't know guys did that, but it's cool. haha. (;

It's still weird to say i'm 22 now. But I'm excited for this year, to be better than I was when I was 21 and to really kick into gear with my goals i have set while my Elder is gone. 22 will bring bigger and better things for me, but 23......23 is gonna get it!! haha. 

Here's some pics of the excellent gifts I got.. (;

my card from my siblings. (:

the cutest pillow case ever..to add to my other one he did for me before he left. (: