Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Tell Him

Agh, this is one of my Top 5 fav songs. Tell Him by Lauryn Hill. I can listen to it over and over and not get sick of it. But since Muka's mission prep began, and it started really sinking in that he'll be leaving, I can't help but listen to this song and cry. Haha. How pathetic huh but it's the truth. I play this song almost every night when I write in my journal. And I know when Muka leaves it will be like one of my Anthems, it'll just fit my life so much in the next 2 years. My poor loved ones will be stuck listening to it also. Haha. But Lauryn Hill (whom if i could sing like anyone on earth it'd be her) is amazing so they'll get over it. ;) Lol.

But anyway, I think I have to "Tell Myself" this, rather than "Tell(ing) Him." Lol. Don't get me wrong, this is always what we've wanted. What he's thought of since he was a boy, and what I've wanted since I can remember.  But, I can't say that I'm not human. I am nervous. It's going to be really hard. I know that he loves me and I love him. And I know we have our plans and we're going to wait for eachother, that's not really my worry anymore, it's just that I'm going to miss him so much. And that's what I think it is more than anything, that's what I'm scared/nervous of most, is how much I'm going to miss him. Having that empty feeling, ya know? :/

But don't get it twisted guys, my mama didn't raise no fool. Lol. I won't be one of those girls that just acts all depressed and becomes anti-social. That is just a hott mess and lets her self go, that is not me. Trrruuusst! haha. You guys know what I mean though right?! Muka and I have seperated ourselves before, and although I can hold my own and keep my head up, that doesn't mean that inside I'm completely happy. Because without him I'm not. It's just going to be so different, and I'm not one that is a fan of major changes, lol, but this change, I am going to embrace because afterall, it is a huge blessing. :)
I have awesome sisters, an awesome mom, and the best girl cousins that can help consume my time. I also have Muka's family who is the best and me and his oldest sister are really close so that'll help too, but i know even though i have those great ladies in my life, it still won't really fill that void I'll have when Muka's gone. I do know that the only way to get through it and to feel true comfort like I have with Muka is through the gospel and putting all my trust in the Lord. People can hate on me saying this and not believe me, but I honestly feel like Muka was meant for me, that in the pre-existance I knew him and knew that we'd meet again on earth. Than, 15 years into my life I saw him again and he's had my full attention since. :) (So gushy uh?! Lol. But i'm serious though!)

We just click, in every way and we have ever since the first night he text me! Haha. We have so much in common. Family is so important to the both of us and our families just mesh so well! My family has grown to love and respect him. He's so good to my sisters and never minds them coming almost everywhere with us. If anything he always asks where they are if I show up without them! Hah. And I LOVE his family. They've never been anything but welcoming to me and my family (sisters) since Day 1. With this all being said (I got a little side track sorry. You'll learn i do that A LOT) with him being gone I know that I'll feel like a part of me is gone. He is what keeps me sane when I feel like I'm loosing it or am overwhelmed (Lol). He makes me laugh when I'm most ita(mad) or when I'm crying. He just puts the cherry on top of every week for me guys! Lol. He's my everything. Being without him will definately be an adjustment, an ALL WORTH IT adjustment. I'll just have to continue to Tell Him (and myself) that I love him and it'll be alright.


Sunday, July 24, 2011

Families Are Forever- R.I.P Uncle Kena

Just wanted to pay tribute to my uncle Kena and his family. My uncle Kena has been fighting cancer for awhile now and today he was able to be freed from that on going and painful battle. He passed away this morning. He left behind his wife and 9 kids Seini, Saane, Sena, Molini, Vika, Vili, Sai, Folau, and Vita. Although it's such a sad day, it's days like these that you can't help but be so grateful for the gospel and the plan of salvation. Families can be together forever, through heavenly fathers plan and i can't wait for the day when Lote and the kids can see him again. I know i personally may not be able to relate, but to Lote and the kids, I'm so sorry for your loss. I love you all so much and I can only imagine how hard it'd be to loose a husband and a father, my heart does ache for each one of you, but just always remember that everything happens for a reason, he's no longer suffering, he'll continue to watch over you and he'll be seeing you soon. :)
He's just getting a start on your family home in heaven that you'll all be able to share when the time comes.

Love you guys! You'll continue to be in my prayers


Being the 7 and 3 Percent :)

Okay, so most of you have caught on to the fact, that this blog is and will be based on my 2 year journey apart from my missionary. He hasn't left yet, but will be soon and It'll be a huge deal in our lives. I, like all you other bloggers, am a firm believer in venting.  I know that it makes you feel better and that writing will become a huge form of therapy for me these next to years. So those of you following, i hope you can stay with me through this journey, cause i can't promise you that I won't be a little "debbie downer" sometimes or a cry baby because chances are, I'll be just that. haha. nbfr. Just bear with me, because although i know this is the biggest blessing, i also know it'll be one of the biggest challenges we go through.

Me and Muka have been through a lot in our relationship so we know it's nothing that we cannot handle, but although we don't bring it up often, we both are nervous for this experience as well. And that's another reason why I wanted to start this blog. So that people can see the other side to a missionary, the life of the missionary's girlfriend. Because it's just as hard a mission for us girlfriends as it is for the missionary.

Most people view us missionary girlfriend's as distractions but I'd like to see us as one of the main supporters. I'd like to think that if a guy has been in a relationship for a while and is still able to serve, or want to serve, than he has a great girl on his side pushing him and wanting it for him as well. (I mean, not that i'm talking about me and muka specifically or anything, haha, but hey, if the shoe fits! LOL. jkjk.) I just don't see how anyone can have negative things to say about that.  Because to me, That's real love. When you want nothing but the best for that person, whether it means you are together or apart. And that is what i feel for Muka. I mean there are cases where it goes bad, I see where people come from when they advise young men to go out on the field not having someone back home because of the dreaded "Dear John" stories. And i know the statistics are absolutely awful when it comes to missionaries and them marrying the girls they were with before the mission. But that doesn't mean that there aren't any happily ever afters either! Lol.

If you haven't heard what they are ("they" meaning the statistics) than let me fill you in on the ones i heard. Lol. I read that only 7% of missionaries end up with the girl they were with prior to the mission and only 3% end up getting married. Isn't that the worst statistics you've ever heard?! Lol. I literally almost cried when i first read that. Lol. But i didn't, until i was telling Muka. Than I couldn't help it, it all just came out! Haha. And he is so cute, when i told him and was being a cry baby, he told me, "Welp, I guess we're gonna be that 7 AND 3 Percent!" Haha. We both laughed, but he said it so confidently, and i believe him too. We're going to prove everyone wrong. Just like we did thus far in our relationship. People still to this day may have their opinions on him or on me, on us being together, but we're making it....the right way. And we can't wait to show everyone what else we're capable of as a couple. So say what you want or feel how ever you'd like, but in 2 1/2 to 3 years time, we'll be SURE, to send you an invite! ;) Haha.

Yours Truely,


Monday, July 18, 2011

Faith. Family. Future Husband.

Everyone that is closest to me knows that i am not your average 21 year old. Many think that I live a life of a granny. Lol. But i'd like to think that I live life to my own drum beat and i am not one to follow the ways of the world. I know many people say this, but I can honestly say that the top three things in my life are my faith, my family, and my future husband. :)

My faith: made me what i am today. People seem to view people like me, whom have been born and raised in Utah/ Salt Lake City as "sheltered", that we're in our own "little bubble" in life because as everyone knows, Utah is most known for the Mormon church. I was told by my uncle Orville after my trip to Miami, that there is every where else, and than there is Utah. That may be true, and if so, i am SO grateful to be one of the "sheltered/in a bubble" individuals. (All this talk of Utah does lead to my overall point i promise. Lol.) As a 21 year old woman, I know with every part of my being that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is, the one and only true church. I've learned and been taught of it, I've experienced it, I've seen it, and most importantly I've felt it. 
Trust is something I've had to learn the hard way thus far in my life, but when it comes to the gospel and the lord, I have no second thoughts, no doubts or insecurities. I love this gospel and the fullness it has brought in my life. It's a relationship I will never let go of.

My family: means E V E R Y T H I N G to me. I am so blessed to be born of such goodly parents and to have my best friends as my siblings. (Which i am soo serious when i say they're my best friends.) Everyone who knows me or even just sees me knows that anywhere I go...you'll be sure to see Sepa or Sariah (my younger sisters). Lol. No but really. They are my best friends, the only girls i know i can really trust. Yeah, I'm 21, and my best friends are 17 and 12(1/2). Haha. And i am totally fine with that (even though people have made fun of me because of it). Since i started maturing, back in junior high, every decision i was faced with, from than even up 'til now, revolves around those girls and my example to them. Whether big or small, they cross my mind. I will never be able to fully express to my mom, dad, Sepa, Sariah, Loni, or Lexxi how much they mean to me. 

My future husband: and I'm pretty sure that i already have him. ;) 
I met Muka Atiga about 5 1/2 years ago in high school. We were both sophomores, and we've been on ever since. Back when i was in junior high, when it came to New Years, growing up my mom always had us do New Year resolutions. I never told anyone this besides Muka, but i remember that every year, i'd always hoped and wished to get a boyfriend that i could share the up coming New Years with. To do New Year resolutions with and to have a New Years kiss at midnight. Hah. That we'd be best friends, and that he could come hang out with me at my house and that it'd just be a good relationship where we didn't have to sneak around and be dishonest.  I do also remember praying for this a time or two. Lol. (I know, i know, what a dork, right?! Lol.) Well, i must've been doing something right because Muka is honestly all that  I had prayed and hoped for every year when i was younger. :) He is a huge part of my life and I couldn't picture it without him. He's everything to me.
Our relationship has most definitely had its ups and (deep) downs, but we've come this far, together, and we don't plan on letting anything change that.

This year, 21, has been so important to us because it's when our lives will change forever. We're still both young, but we know who we are (individually) and where we wanna be/what we wanna do. This year our faith/testimony has grown so much stronger, we've never been happier and our plan in life is more clear than ever. 
The 6th of July was the biggest day we've shared thus far. Muka received his mission call in the mail! :) He was called to the Anaheim, California mission and will report to the MTC on October 12th. 
We are both so excited, it's what we've always wanted. We know this mission will change our lives forever but we're ready. 

Twenty-one. Come what may, and (i'll) love it. 
and Why wouldn't I? I have my faith, my family, and my future husand. :)