The (not so average) Homecoming

I can't tell you how many homecoming stories I've read and than daydreamed of the day I'd have my own  as a missionary girlfriend. On November 11th, 2013 he finally came home and it's a homecoming I'll never forget. It was everything I thought it wouldn't be. It was your not so average homecoming, and let me tell you why! 

There were so many of us at the airport waiting for him. His flight ended up getting in sooner than we had planned and so we were all scrambling to get posters in hand and stand in line so he could see us all with our different posters/signs. I was physically there, at the airport, but my mind was going back to the week prior, his last p-day. We were emailing and talking about the airport and seeing each other and he told me he was just going to shake my hand when we saw each other again. haha. Since that email I couldn't get that out of my mind! How awkward it would be, in front of everyone, to see us reuniting again and giving a hand shake! haha. Call me crazy, but I couldn't help it, my mind was racing. 

That was like 80% of where my mind was at that moment that he came down the escalator and the other 20% was just nervous and didn't know what to do. My mind was so caught up and going a million miles a minute that when he first stepped on the escalator I didn't even know it was him…that and the fact that I didn't have my glasses on. haha He finally got to the bottom of the escalator and his mom and nieces and nephew ran up to see him first. Everyone was so happy and smiles, crying…and there I was, over thinking on what to do and trying to avoid the handshake in front of everyone. After hugging his mom and nieces and nephew he made his way through the crowd to everyone that was there to see him. During this time I did everything I could to circulate myself to every where he wasn't so I could avoid the awkward interaction. He had finally got to everyone and now it was just me he hadn't came to see. He was walking towards me and everyone was looking at us…I'm sure my flippen' face was probably bright red. (I get super shy when it comes to "love" types of things in front of other people. haha) He walked up to me and said, "Hi Nae, it's so nice to see you!" He put his hand out and so we shook hands and he put his other hand on top of mine. He was looking straight into my eyes and smiling bigger than I've ever seen him smile, his eyes were glossy I swear he was going to cry. haha. (Talk about MOST AWKWARD HAND SHAKE OF MY LIFE! haha.) He than told me we'd catch up later before everyone started asking to take pictures of us and our handshake. After that we took 10 million pictures of everyone with him, the whole group together, etc. Once those were done everyone made their way to the parking garage. I guess I always pictured once we reunited, him wanting to be with me everywhere, and that's where I guess I set myself up to get disappointed. Everyone walked to their separate cars and he went with his parents….didn't say anything to me, just walked straight to there car. But I guess I had to give him that one, after all he was still a missionary. We went afterwards to a restaurant to eat so I told myself it'd be less awkward there, we'd talk and catch up and it'd feel like it use to when we were together. Boy was I wrong. haha. He sat at a different table and talked with those he was sitting with the whole time. Before leaving he came to the table I was at cause a friend of ours was sitting with me and purposely called him over to talk. We left the restaurant still not saying much to one another. 

After leaving there my siblings and I had to stop at my grandmas to visit her, she had been really sick and than afterwards we went to his house hoping to see him (and hopefully have him released as a missionary so we could hug and be together! haha). We get there and low and behold, he wasn't there. His sisters said he went out with his dad to visit members of the ward and he wouldn't be released until the next night at 8pm. Agh- I felt like it was the worst news. I had taken that day of work off and than the day after so we could spend it together, and I wasn't going to be able to because he was still a missionary until late that next night. But i told myself even though he was still a missionary I still just wanted to see him, so I stayed at his house so I could at least see him again before I went to bed…after all, I hadn't seen that face in person for over two years!!! A little over an hour later he walked in the door and my heart started beating fast and I tried to not have a huge grin on. haha. But he didn't really acknowledge that I was there. He seemed antsy just being there, having to talk to everyone. He wanted to leave and go visit more people!  But before leaving one of their neighbors showed up at the door to see him and so they all sat down to visit. At this point I was less than amused and wanted to leave. I felt like a guest that didn't know when to leave. So I was about to leave without saying good bye and told myself I was being a brat and to at least just go say bye. So as I walked back up to his door step he opened the door. He asked if I was leaving and I said yes. He said, "okay, thanks for coming. I don't have a phone but I'll use someones and call you tomorrow." I said okay and that was it! I drove home and cried. haha. I was sure he didn't feel the same any more and didn't want to be together. I felt stupid cause I knew everyone else saw and thought/felt it too. It made me sick to my stomach thinking of everything in my life that had to do with him and if we weren't to be together how much would change. That would be night #2 of not much sleep..

to be continued….

when your words bite you in the butt

I can't explain the excitement that takes place in me when people this week have asked when he'll be home and I can say, "on Monday..." unlike when I use to have to say a year or in a few months.

Elder Atiga's original homecoming date was October 8th, 2013 but he was offered to extend in which he gladly accepted and his new homecoming date was changed to November 11th, 2013.

Now I'll be 100% honest, when he first emailed me that he extended and so he'd be coming home a month later...I was bummed. Haha. This was about a month before he was to come home. So I had the countdown set in my mind than he told me he'd be staying longer and so I had to tack on another 30+ days. (dramatic? haha.) BUT, after about 24 hours I checked myself and realized the blessing that would come from it and that I was blessed to have such an amazing man that didn't even hesitate to want to serve the lord as long as they needed him to. I'm sure he'd extend for another year if he was offered...& that would probably take more than 24 hours for me to get over. Haha.

^^^This all leads to my "post title." Which is kind of funny when I think of it now yet embarrassing to think of saying it and more embarrassing to admit. haha. It dates back to October 12th, 2011. Elder Atiga & I, along with my sisters and Elder Atiga's 2 best friends were on our way to the MTC to drop him off. We were talking about the mission and how things would be, etc. and I told him (jokingly yet slightly serious haha.), "you better not extend your mission & you better not shake my hand at the airport when we see each other again for the first time." LOL.We both laughed but I was kind of dead serious and he kind of knew I was, too. He knows how I am. haha. & Don't you dare judge me. You know you would feel the same. haha.
ANYWAYS, two weeks ago when we were emailing on his p-day, I brought it up (jokingly, while we were 'haha'ing' about things). I told him, "so I told you not to extend and you did which I'm happy and fine with now & so I'm pretty sure you're going to just shake my hand at the airport & I will have no choice but to eventually get over that. haha" & To that he responded, "would you hate me, cause I really was planning on just shaking your hand but I know it'll probably be awkward cause I'll be hugging everyone else that is there. it'll just be awesome to finish the mission strong."

this is me ---->     -_-

......FML......


haha. Jk. OBVIOUSLY it wasn't the reunion I'd pictured, but as long as he is THERE and healthy and well....I'm grateful & I'll take it. haha. No but really. that is being 100% honest.
There is a missionary girlfriend facebook page and a few weeks ago, a missionary girlfriend posted how her missionary died that morning in Mexico while serving. My heart sunk. I couldn't even imagine. I couldn't. Her along with the Elder's family are often in my prayers... So with that being said, as long as my man returns home safely...I'll take a flippen' handshake. (until he is released and no longer an elder.) (; (;

It is also apparent that he, very much so, will be in full RM mode and quite a bit of a nerd. haha. I'm bracing myself for that just like I'm bracing myself for the fact that I may be judged for things I do or say that he may not be use to. haha. (The door swings both ways right)


Anyways, that's all for today. I'm officially off of work for the next 5 days so I will be blogging more in depth on whats going on in the mind of a missionary girlfriend days before he's to get home. (: 

four. days. people. 

that's all I have to say. 







oh and p.s. excuse me for any grammatical errors, when I get excited or feel like I have a lot in mind to write, I tend to not write things correctly or spell things wrong. oops!

long distance mind games

so it's almost down to the last 60 days. August 8th will begin the 60 day countdown until I see my missionary! Excited is an understatement if you ask how I feel about that. But I must say, these last 6 months have definitely got to me unlike any other time frame of the wait so far.

(*in comes the long distance mind games*)

Lately it's felt like time has flown by but at the same time it feels like so long since I've seen him. At this point, I really have to remember us. That sentence just sounded horrible. What I mean is, at this point, it's been over 22 months that we've been apart/ seen one another/ hung out/ went on dates/ done things normal couples do/ etc., and with that being said I really have to remind myself of the memories and try and remember them. Remember how it feels. I mean, my love is still there and has grown...it really has. In a way I can't explain. You know if you've been through a missionary relationship what I'm talking about. But when it's been that long, you kind of forget things and you have to remind yourself of how it feels. I don't know if that makes sense?

There are times where you do get a reminder of that feeling when you get a letter or an email and he reaffirms how much he loves you, etc.. Or when you have a dream about him. And the dream feels so real! We're on a date after he's come home, it's his homecoming, we're just hanging out like we use to...than I wake up and realize it was all a dream. haha. I've had all of those dreams (and than some) and every single one is a life saver to me. Because every time, they make me feel as if we just hung out. hah. Sounds so weird when I say it out loud or write it, but it's true. Those dreams and those letters will bring back that feeling that makes things a little easier and that makes my love grow regardless of the distance and the extent of communication we're allowed to have. And I'm more in love than I was before.
But of coarse, with the highs come the lows. And just like those feelings come, they also go. And it's just another waiting game to get them reaffirmed within myself. It's a crazy mind game, this long-distance-missionary-girlfriend-relationship.

90% of the time the letters and emails are about spiritual experiences and his testimony and how he's growing spiritually. Which don't get me wrong are great! But than the mind game comes into play and I have to just keep in mind that I can't let myself get caught up in always getting the sappy, lovey dovey letters and/or emails. Cause again, he needs to be focused. I can't complain if I don't hear it as much as I'd like to. Because it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me as much as I feel I love him.

With talking about the memories, and having to reflect on those to try and keep my head right & to remember what I'm waiting for, I than start to realize more and more as time passes by, that he's changed. He's grown and become more mature. Spiritually mature to be specific. Like on a whole 'nother level. He's the same guy I've loved the last 7+ years of my life...but than he's different. And it starts to make me feel nervous or second guess myself. If I'm good enough for this guy who seems so perfect. So deep into the gospel. And I feel so simple in comparison.
My mind starts thinking, what if those memories and those things that I loved so much about us, about him, aren't the same once he's home. I go through the wait, waiting for that same relationship we left off with almost 2 years ago, and than when he gets back, we're together again, and it's different. Will it be good or will it be too different? Agh, I hate even thinking this way. But I'm just writing down something I've never actually said out loud or written before. I've thought it, but was too nervous to actually put it out there.

I love Elder Atiga. Just as much as I did before he left. And I miss him so much. I just want to be together again. And I don't doubt us.
I just realized this was probably a super debbie downer blog post..especially considering it's been some time since I've last blogged. But this was just a post of the moment. Me thinking out loud and putting my thoughts into my blog. I've felt selfish for not sharing more of how I've felt going through this journey. That was the whole point of making this blog. For others going through this experience to relate to or understand. The last 3 months or so have been hard, since he's become an assistant to the president and than becoming AP to a brand new mission they opened up. The Irvine, CA mission. So we haven't talked as in depth as we always have. When he is able to write, it's pretty short and brief. So it's got my mind all over the place. which you know by now. hah. But I am still forever grateful for him and the example he is to me. Always making me want to be better. And although he's away and we aren't able to share your typical relationships type of love and affection, he still finds ways to be there for me even though he's not here.

To those who are going to be new to a "missionary relationship," I hope I didn't scare you. haha I honestly wouldn't change anything about this experience or having to go through it. It's hard, but the love we have gained thus far by pushing through it, and seeing how much he's grown and his love for the gospel makes it all worth it. To those who are going through it right now, i think by you reading this, you can tell that I can relate and can say I feel your pain. haha. And to those who do not have to experience this and have your loved ones available to you now, be grateful. Hug them a little tighter, kiss them a little longer, be a littler nicer than usual. haha. Because not everyone gets that everyday. And it's a blessing (:

That's all for tonight and holy cow, if that wasn't a ramble post I don't know what is. Oh and I only listened to this song like 100 times while writing this post. haha. story of my life!

the 4th quarter

so it's finally here! the 4th quarter of the mission. I can't even believe it when I sit and think about it, how much time has flown, and that the Tuesday after the next upcoming General Conference in October (for the LDS church), I'll be seeing him again after 2 years apart! there's so many emotions but the main one being excitement fills me when I think of that day being right around the corner! this past Friday, the 12th makes it 18 months since he's left! ahhhh!!

I can't wait to go on dates again and have someone to text or call when everyone else is busy or doing things I absolutely don't want to do. haha. 175 days until I not only see my boyfriend but until I have my best friend back.

my goals have been in full affect. so 4th quarter..... let's get it! (;