Curiosity Killed the Cat

…or in this case, the proposal.     -_-

Yes, I found out it was going to happen before it happened but I totally didn't mean to….but terrible none the less.


Taking it back to the evening of Wednesday, January 15th 2014. He had a church ball game that night and afterwards we went to his house so he could shower. While he was in the shower I was sitting in his room…..just waiting……bored. So, after running out of things to look at on my phone, I was looking at things on his phone. One of the 'things' being his messages. hahaha. Don't judge me, I'm not a psycho girlfriend, I promise. Lol. One of his text conversations specifically were with one of his mission companions and his companion asked him if he'd proposed yet. To that Muka responded, "No not yet, but I'm going to this upcoming Monday. I talked to her parents and everything."

I ABSOLUTELY ALMOST DIED.

My heart started beating so fast and hard. It took everything in me to calm myself before he got out of the shower. I read that message so fast like 5+ times. haha. Than I put his phone back where it was and had a mini panic attack. haha. I HAD to tell someone. But I knew I couldn't call and tell my mom or sisters, they'd tell Muka for sure. I couldn't tell my girl cousins I'm close with because they would for sure tell their moms or my mom/sisters. So I called my good friend that I work with, Malesah…..she didn't answer. -__-  So I group txt two of my close friends that know practically everything about my relationship, Jennie and Cassie. They were texting me back like crazy over the news but I had to hurry and delete the messages and turn my ringer off because I could hear Muka getting out of the shower and coming to his room! (I'm absolutely dying even more at this point.)

He comes in the room & I play it off the best I can. He gives me a kiss. But that simple quick kiss meant just a little more than any other kiss due to the fact that I knew/had proof that he was ready and committed to asking me one of the biggest questions of anyones life! You know the saying, "made my heart smile." Well not many times can I say that I truly felt that. But this night was definitely one of them.

Than it kicked in that I knew the surprise and I felt terrible.. haha.

Fast forward a few days, he found out I knew because Jennie and Cassie just didn't want it to happen with me knowing…they wanted me to experience the moment so they ended up telling my mom and my mom telling Muka… I couldn't be mad at that. They had the best intentions. But I felt worse when I knew that he knew. But he played it off every day as if he didn't. Such a sweet heart. Oh how the mission calmed his nerves. haha. (;

Monday rolls around, January 20th, which happens to be our anniversary, our 8 year anniversary! I totally loved that he did it that day. It's funny because like 2 weeks prior I told my sister she should suggest to Muka that he should propose on our anniversary or on my birthday. haha. I said that not really thinking it'd happen.

Anyways! I woke up that morning and said a prayer first thing. I asked the lord if there was any way he could make it so that if the proposal were to happen that day, that he could help me to experience it as if I never knew. That I could have that moment and that Muka could as well. That my face or body language wouldn't ruin it for him.
And so it was.
& I know the lord sent out a special blessing that evening for Muka and I. Because it happened and I truly was surprised and caught off guard.

His sister and her family were in from out of state and he told me they wanted to go out to dinner that night and that we were going to a fancy restaurant so everyone was dressing up. We went out to dinner, I didn't really expect it there…maybe afterwards, being that we were at temple square. I thought we'd walk around and he'd ask me there. Where we had our first kiss maybe? But after we ate, everyone said they wanted to go to the movies. So we all left to the movies. The girls in one car and the boys in the other. My sister called me while we were driving and asked me if we could pick her up from my grandmas and take her home, so we did. (Which i was less than amused about. haha) We pulled up to my house, the girls said the movie wasn't starting for a bit so we should just hang at my house. I was hesitant because i just wanted to be with Muka on our day. haha But we got out the car and I went to unlock the door. When I opened the door, the lights flicked on & I saw all of my family crowded in the living room. Everyone was smiling and looked excited and anxious. And Muka was there, standing at the top of the stairs for me. And for probably the 3rd or 4th time in this post, I will repeat…..I (almost) died. haha. I did NOT expect it! He knows I'm super shy with lovey dovey things in public so it caught me off guard for sure. haha. He grabbed my hand, walked me to the middle of the room, sat me down on a chair, and after a few minutes of silence (haha) asked me if I'd marry him! :) :) :)

And that was it! 8 years to the day of first meeting one another, I was his fiancé.

Soon to be Mrs. Atiga!

The First Date

The first date…

the first kiss…

the first time seeing his name and number show up on your phone…

the first texts…

the first weeks…

..that's what makes the wait worth waiting for. 

Like I mentioned in my last two posts about the homecoming, it all was super exciting but I hadn't yet experienced the "us" feeling. The feeling I'd feel all of the time before he'd left and while he was gone. The cloud 9, so happy, and crazy in love feeling. 

It was making me super nervous and worried too because I didn't feel it when I first saw him at the airport OR the night he came to my house and we hugged and talked. The first 4 days were emotional and confusing for me because I was still waiting to experience that feeling again. While waiting for that feeling it was almost like starting a relationship from the beginning again. Having all the fun "firsts" you have in a new relationship but than you already know and are in love with that person. It was so exciting for the both of us.

On day 3 of him being home we planned to go on our first date. I had butterflies all day! That evening came and I was working up a sweat while getting ready cause I was so nervous thinking what we would be going to do and wanting to look perfect. haha. Earlier that day, when he text if he could take me out that night he said he wasn't sure what we should do and brought up going to the movies. (We have always loved going to the movies.) But throughout that day I of coarse was thinking about it and figured that wouldn't be a good first date cause we had SO MUCH catching up to do, and you can't do that during a movie! So I had to think of a different idea to tell him once he'd pick me up. So back to the story...he got to my house to pick me up and I was still trying to finish my make up so he sat down with my parents and talked to them until I was finished. It made my heart so happy. Having him back in my parents house and listening to them talk to each other and catch up. He said something while talking to them that I thought was so cute. After telling them he was there to pick me up for a date he said, "the drive here was one of the longest drives of my life." :) I finally felt content with how I look and we were off. When walking to his truck, he grabbed my hand and we held hands walking to the car. I could tell he was so nervous….and so was I. haha. Once we were in the car I told him all I really wanted to do was go somewhere that we could just talk and catch up. So he drove us to temple square. We did the Salt Lake temple square tour and it was awesome. Holding hands, walking around, laughing together. No longer being the single one seeing all the other couples. haha. :) 

At the end of the tour we walked around the outside some more. We hadn't kissed yet but I knew it was coming as soon as our walk led us the the "podium" spot that over looks the temple on the east side of temple square. (as seen below)

And that is where it happened! If it was up to me, it wouldn't have happened yet because I was too nervous and not up for it. But I'm glad it did. It at least showed he wanted to and that was a good thing, after all, I was still stressing if he still felt as much in love with me since I hadn't experienced that feeling yet. haha. Yes we had our first kiss but the feeling still hadn't shown up, BUT it did sort of break the ice that still was lingering. We walked to the fountain after wards that is just east of the podium and talked some more while he hugged me and randomly would keep kissing me. haha. It was cute. It just felt good. Feeling that feeling again.  During that time I'd brought up that feeling I'd been having, being nervous that coming home, he may not feel the same about me as before and to that he said, "well I'm not gonna lie, the night before coming home and before the airport, I know Satan was really trying to get to me." After that he assured that everything was okay and he loved me and kissed me again, but that sentence, just that one sentence as a reply was all the sat with me. I'm sure knowing the details of what he felt satan was making him think/feel probably wouldn't make me feel any better, but I was curious. I couldn't help it. I wanted to know what exactly it was making him think/feel that night before coming home and before getting on the plane. And after getting those feelings what he told himself in my defense. But I didn't ask. That'd be too much crazy to unleash on a first date. haha. So I kept it in..and had another night and next day of not much sleep and a loss of appetite. haha. 

I will now just make the long story short because I tend to drag things out……the feeling did come. That next night. Friday night. Our second night out. He wanted to be with his family, and there was a wedding that night. So we attended with his family, than went to a late night dinner, and after that he went to drop me off at home. It was just the two of us when he went to take me home and as we pulled up to my house I just wasn't ready to have him leave. I still wanted to be with him. haha. So we talked for a few short minutes and than he leaned in to kiss me good night. I don't know what the difference was between that kiss and the kiss the night prior, but it was THAT kiss that had the those feelings rushing in. At this time, when we was going to drop me off, it was midnight. Well after that kiss, we sat in his truck and talked until 4 in the morning. It was amazing. My love was back and I was the happiest girl ever. Before leaving on his mission, I always found myself saying in my head, I'm going to marry this boy. That night sitting in his truck, talking until 4am, in my mind all I could think was, I can't believe I'm going to marry this MAN! He was the same boy I remembered two years ago, my high school sweet heart, but he'd grown up in a way I'd never known and was an even better man now. 

That night was than the first night of several where I found myself just counting down for when he would propose! (; 

11-14-13: Our first date at Temple Square

His Homecoming, His first Sunday Home 

Part 2: The (not so average) Homecoming

I was sure that the next morning I would wake up to a call from him…nope! There I go assuming again. Setting myself up for disappointment because no, he didn't call…he wouldn't be calling all day unfortunately. I spent all day with his sisters and than at his house, not seeing or hearing from him all day. He was to be set apart that evening at 8pm so I figured I'd get ready around 7 than head to his ward to be there for his "release" as a missionary. That was always a no brainer for me, to be there.

Come 7 pm my mind started going again…..
...should I be at the chapel for when he's released?
….Do I want our first hug/kiss to be in front of others?? (Absolutely not)
….Do I want to have another awkward moment in front of everyone, assuming when he came out of his release interview that we'd hug or kiss only to find him ignoring me?? (Definitely not, I felt enough rejection for 24 hours haha)
My mind was thinking all these things and going crazy. Especially when my mom came in my room as I was getting ready and said, "are you sure he wants you to be there? I just want to make sure he doesn't feel weird about you going?" -_-    That thought didn't even enter my mind until she brought it up and than I found myself really second guessing everything mainly due to his behavior the past 24+ hours…..and than I rewinded back to over 2 1/2 years prior….the night he got his mission call. That night we agreed we were gonna go through this whole experience TOGETHER.
E V E R Y - S T E P - O F - T H E - W A Y
It wasn't just one of us going through it, it was something WE were doing while supporting one another to do and be our best.
I was set on going. For the most part. to be absolutely sure, I figured what the heck, I'll call him and ask if he wanted me to or not. haha. So I called his sisters phone, and he answered. Talk about getting super nervous in the matter of seconds!
I asked his thoughts on it and he told me to come, so it was settled. I went.

By the time i got there, he already went into the bishops office for the interview. After being in the hall for about 45 minutes, I figured, at lease he came, his family will tell him I was here, but I want to have our first officially "embrace" to be a bit more private. hah. So i left. and than I waited…… (story of my life. haha)

It was about 9:45pm, an hour later, and his sister txt my sister that he was home and now on his way to our house. Holy cow I could have died of butterfly over load in my stomach! I was SO NERVOUS! I sat in my living room, but the window, waiting to see him pull up in his truck. (Talk about the little things you miss.) I almost forgot in the past that I could always hear his truck coming before I could even see it pulling into my house….those memories rushed back when I heard it coming from down the street…and than I saw it pull into our circle….. and than into our driveway. He was here. At my house. After over 2 years. Just to see me.

I couldn't wait for him to come to the door so I got up and ran out the door. He saw me and we both rushed to each other and (finally) hugged! He picked me up and spun me around. Agh, I could have died. It didn't even feel like real life. I am about to cry just writing and thinking about that moment but at the time I was so caught up in the moment and feelings I didn't cry. He put me down and we just looked at each other, big smiles and laughing, not believing we were with one another. He than told me he had something for me. He said he kept his (missionary name)tag on and asked his stake president if I could remove it which he was told he could do. So as we stood there, he asked me if I could remove his tag for him. (It probably doesn't sound like a big deal but it was to me. Usually their tags are taken off by their moms after their exit interview which kind of symbolizes their official release of being a missionary.) After removing it he said it was mine to keep and we hugged again. I than heard my sisters in the background and saw flashes coming from their phone cameras so I pulled away and we decided to go in for him to see everyone else. We went inside and he stayed for about and hour and a half/two hours talking and catching up. Him and I and my sisters. Just like old times :) In that moment, I was on cloud 9. Now I could officially have the ending of "the homecoming/being reunited" moment. It wasn't what I'd always expected, but he was home, safe, and I was able to be in his presense again. The nervous feelings were still there and I hadn't 100% had the feelings I'd had before, when we were together, so i was still nervous about that, but at lease to have those 3 things, was a blessing enough for me. :)

The awkward handshake. haha

The (not so average) Homecoming

I can't tell you how many homecoming stories I've read and than daydreamed of the day I'd have my own  as a missionary girlfriend. On November 11th, 2013 he finally came home and it's a homecoming I'll never forget. It was everything I thought it wouldn't be. It was your not so average homecoming, and let me tell you why! 

There were so many of us at the airport waiting for him. His flight ended up getting in sooner than we had planned and so we were all scrambling to get posters in hand and stand in line so he could see us all with our different posters/signs. I was physically there, at the airport, but my mind was going back to the week prior, his last p-day. We were emailing and talking about the airport and seeing each other and he told me he was just going to shake my hand when we saw each other again. haha. Since that email I couldn't get that out of my mind! How awkward it would be, in front of everyone, to see us reuniting again and giving a hand shake! haha. Call me crazy, but I couldn't help it, my mind was racing. 

That was like 80% of where my mind was at that moment that he came down the escalator and the other 20% was just nervous and didn't know what to do. My mind was so caught up and going a million miles a minute that when he first stepped on the escalator I didn't even know it was him…that and the fact that I didn't have my glasses on. haha He finally got to the bottom of the escalator and his mom and nieces and nephew ran up to see him first. Everyone was so happy and smiles, crying…and there I was, over thinking on what to do and trying to avoid the handshake in front of everyone. After hugging his mom and nieces and nephew he made his way through the crowd to everyone that was there to see him. During this time I did everything I could to circulate myself to every where he wasn't so I could avoid the awkward interaction. He had finally got to everyone and now it was just me he hadn't came to see. He was walking towards me and everyone was looking at us…I'm sure my flippen' face was probably bright red. (I get super shy when it comes to "love" types of things in front of other people. haha) He walked up to me and said, "Hi Nae, it's so nice to see you!" He put his hand out and so we shook hands and he put his other hand on top of mine. He was looking straight into my eyes and smiling bigger than I've ever seen him smile, his eyes were glossy I swear he was going to cry. haha. (Talk about MOST AWKWARD HAND SHAKE OF MY LIFE! haha.) He than told me we'd catch up later before everyone started asking to take pictures of us and our handshake. After that we took 10 million pictures of everyone with him, the whole group together, etc. Once those were done everyone made their way to the parking garage. I guess I always pictured once we reunited, him wanting to be with me everywhere, and that's where I guess I set myself up to get disappointed. Everyone walked to their separate cars and he went with his parents….didn't say anything to me, just walked straight to there car. But I guess I had to give him that one, after all he was still a missionary. We went afterwards to a restaurant to eat so I told myself it'd be less awkward there, we'd talk and catch up and it'd feel like it use to when we were together. Boy was I wrong. haha. He sat at a different table and talked with those he was sitting with the whole time. Before leaving he came to the table I was at cause a friend of ours was sitting with me and purposely called him over to talk. We left the restaurant still not saying much to one another. 

After leaving there my siblings and I had to stop at my grandmas to visit her, she had been really sick and than afterwards we went to his house hoping to see him (and hopefully have him released as a missionary so we could hug and be together! haha). We get there and low and behold, he wasn't there. His sisters said he went out with his dad to visit members of the ward and he wouldn't be released until the next night at 8pm. Agh- I felt like it was the worst news. I had taken that day of work off and than the day after so we could spend it together, and I wasn't going to be able to because he was still a missionary until late that next night. But i told myself even though he was still a missionary I still just wanted to see him, so I stayed at his house so I could at least see him again before I went to bed…after all, I hadn't seen that face in person for over two years!!! A little over an hour later he walked in the door and my heart started beating fast and I tried to not have a huge grin on. haha. But he didn't really acknowledge that I was there. He seemed antsy just being there, having to talk to everyone. He wanted to leave and go visit more people!  But before leaving one of their neighbors showed up at the door to see him and so they all sat down to visit. At this point I was less than amused and wanted to leave. I felt like a guest that didn't know when to leave. So I was about to leave without saying good bye and told myself I was being a brat and to at least just go say bye. So as I walked back up to his door step he opened the door. He asked if I was leaving and I said yes. He said, "okay, thanks for coming. I don't have a phone but I'll use someones and call you tomorrow." I said okay and that was it! I drove home and cried. haha. I was sure he didn't feel the same any more and didn't want to be together. I felt stupid cause I knew everyone else saw and thought/felt it too. It made me sick to my stomach thinking of everything in my life that had to do with him and if we weren't to be together how much would change. That would be night #2 of not much sleep..

to be continued….