when the going gets tuff

If it's not one thing it's another. That's the saying right???.. Well that's kind of an explanation of what I'm feeling right now. My previous post "Thoughts from Satan" explained the ways Satan's tried getting to me since Muka's Mission wheels started turning. Well, now that he's gone....he's found new ways to try and get me down. And let me tell you he's working very hard. This past week, some (very random) things have happened. Some things that are pretty big deals to me...and it's been really hard not having Muka completely "here" to talk to and to help me feel better. All of us that have "significant others" know that they're one of the main people that in certain situations, are the only ones to make us feel better. That when something happens, they're pretty much the first to know.  Am i right?! Yeah, well Satan knows that..and so he's definitely been testing my weaknesses. From all different angles. With feeling like I need Muka and with getting to my family. As i've said (in my very first blog post) the 3 most important things to me are my faith, my family, and Muka. Yeah, well as much as Satan can try, he won't shake my faith, but he's definitely trying to shake me with my family and Muka.

Yesterday morning Muka left the MTC to officially head out to Anaheim for his mission. Me and his mom went to the airport...to see him off. It was really nice seeing him. He was glowing with the spirit. Felt kinda weird being around him. Haha. but not in a bad way. Than about an hour after we left the airport he called me to say bye. Which really made my heart smile not knowing it was him when i answered the unknown number. (: It was a good day. I didn't cry at all. (: But of coarse, with the good comes bad. That night I got home from work...and found out some bad news. My mom had a doctors appointment and the results did not come back very good. The doctors believe that she has cancer in her right breast. They said it could possibly be something else but they're pretty sure it's cancer. So she's set to go in for more testing this Friday. When my dad told me though my heart just completely sunk and I started crying. He told us that we just had to stay strong for her and be positive. That we didn't wanna make my mom worry because she didn't plan on telling us. My dad hardly ever cries, but when he was telling us he just started crying. The doctors said that if it is cancer, it's just spots right now, (the beginning stage of cancer) and that they can remove it with surgery. And because of it's size, you wouldn't tell that she got surgery when it was removed. Although it's the beginning stage of cancer...it's still cancer. and it don't matter who you are, that's scary for anyone. My dad told me and my sister this when my mom hadn't come home yet. But when my mom came home I talked to her and she just said she doesn't want us to worry, that she feels everything's going to be okay. Now my mom is really strong in the church. Anyone who knows her knows that, so when she told me that she honestly felt like everything would be okay, it did help me feel somewhat better. But since than I just can't help but think of not being able to handle it if anything happened. And needing to take on the responsibility of being mom for my younger sisters and brother. I hate even saying or thinking it...but the thought has crossed my mind. I've been doing my best to be positive for my mom and the kids, but it is hard. And even more hard that I can't go to Muka about it. I know he needs to focus and be 100% right now so i'm not going to worry him about this, but it's really hard. With him being gone.  I commend all those parents out there that have struggled with being diagnosed with cancer meanwhile staying strong and positive for their family. My mom has previously beat cancer. When I was in 6th grade she was diagnosed with cancer in her thymus. But they were able to get rid of it. Cancer runs in both sides of my family. My mom's mom died from it as well as her sister. And my dad's brother passed away from it this year. It hurts me to even think of what went through my moms mind after that appointment. Thinking of your kids, your husband, and being sick. Trying to continue your life as usual and stay positive knowing what your truly dealing with.  Now don't get me wrong, I firmly believe in the saying, "be grateful, it could always be worse" because in our case..it really can. but that doesn't mean u still struggle a little. Nothing is completely set in stone. Like i said, she has a follow up appointment this Friday with testing to make sure that it is what they think it is or hopefully it's not. My dad and my sisters and I opened a fast today for it..so we're staying hopeful and just putting our trust in the lord. I know this is just another test of Satan's, to get us down and to break our spirits, but i believe it's also a test from the lord. To fully put our trust in him. And also a test he specifically directed to me...that when the going gets tuff, rather than confiding in Muka...I'm to confide in the lord.

I'll keep u all posted on Fridays appointment, but until than..please keep the Tatafu's in your prayers. Oh, and if you are someone that knows my mom, and you like have her number. pls don't txt/call her about it..because #1. I know she'll be mad if she knows i blogged about it. lol. and #2. like i said, the worst thing she can do is worry about it right now. she doesn't want any sympathy about it.. but it's just been so heavy on my mind and i just had to blog about it. cuz lets admit, blog venting somewhat makes u feel better. Love you all,
..cass..