Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Thoughts from Satan.

It's been 2 weeks since Muka left. They've went by fast yet I feel like it's been forever since I've seen him. Lol. But it's been good. I've really surprised myself with how "fine" I have been. Mid-last week kinda started getting a little hard, I felt Debbie-Downer creepin' up on me. But than Friday I got a txt that a letter that came...and after reading it, I was back to being good. Lol. I swear he always knows what to do to make me feel better. Whether he is here or not.
        He's doing great. He loves it there and is already growing so much spiritually. He was just a week in and and was made his District's Leader. (: Getting letters has been fun. I got letter #3 today. Which I totally didn't expect, so when i looked thru the mail, just for the-heck-of-it...i saw under the stack his handwriting. Best thing ever!!! It was my favorite letter thus far and put me in the best mood. Lol. I'm obsessed with letters now. haha. It's fun..It's kinda like "starting over". Except you've already established a strong relationship...it's just something new. It completely takes me back to when we first started talking. Almost 6 years ago. And getting excited to get a call or txt. It's like that "brand-new" feeling again. That's the best i can try and explain how it feels. (:
Anyway...that's just an "update" since my last post. the subject of the blog, "Thoughts from Satan"..is from thoughts that have come over me since the start of muka and his papers. That I've thankfully been able to see as just being from Satan. Lol. I think a lot of times, we have a thought come in our minds and we think it's what we really want or that it's how we really feel. And so we just run with it. But if we all take a step back to really look at it, we're able to see that it's not really what would be best. It's just a temptation that'll really set you back in the bigger picture. It's kinda hard for me to explain in a way that everyone will understand. Sorry. In my head it sounds good and makes sense. Haha. But let me just now explain what mine were...

So it was around the time when Muka was about to put in his papers. And I just really felt like wanting to be married. Hah. Like, not that i wanted him to drop everything so we could marry. It wasn't that, it was just for some reason, I just wanted to be married so bad. I felt like I was ready to be married. We both were mature enough to be married and I knew he was the one, etc. It kinda like at a point got to me because we'd get in dumb disagreements and I'd feel like me and Muka weren't on the same level in our relationship. Like he wasn't as in it as I was. Which was total b.s but it's just the crazy things that were in my head at the time. Lol. I even vented it to Muka's older sister Tangi. We talk about everything so she just reminded me what I had thought. That it was just Satan trying to make me impatient. If we knew that we were the ones for eachother, why rush. We both have wanted him to serve for awhile so 2 years wasn't much longer. Again guys, I wasn't wanting him to not go or whatever, It was just a crazy thought that came over me.
The next one was like around the time after he got his call. And I wanted a wedding. haha. that was my next "want." (It didn't help that swear it was like wedding season. Everyone was to be married.) And it wasn't to be a married couple like the first feeling, but just to have a wedding. To plan for. Lol. I've ALWAYS thought of that growing up. My wedding dress. The colors. Which temple. The season. Where the reception would be. ect.. Haha. I guess like to be engaged?! Idk. I knew that we weren't ready to be married, we each have a lot of growing to do individually, I was just jumping the gun by wanting to plan a wedding. I knw, I sound crazy. But whatever, I talked about both of these "feelings" with muka and felt better once we talked it out. We know it'll come, but at the right time. We have so much to enjoy now. Than those things will come.

I'm just thankful that I was able to see that these weren't actual feelings of mine. They were honestly things that Satan tried to make me think were real thoughts or feelings of mine. To set me back or to make me think more worldly. Of the now rather than seeing the eternal aspect. I know that we aren't even close to being ready to be a married couple. Lol. Like I said, we both need more individual growth first before we try to grow more as a couple. and don't even get me started on having money for a wedding. haha. Thinking of it now just makes me laugh. And makes me think of him being gone in a whole nother way...these next 2 years
I'll enjoy...having a bed to myself, enjoy being able to go home and get a break from him when he gets on my nerves or makes me mad, enjoy being able to look however i want or do whatever i want without worrying that he's around (such as those not so attractive "private moment" things. haha), and just enjoy cass time. Cause we all know when you get married there's no longer just a U..it than becomes an US. With everything. Don't get me wrong, I love Muka more than I can explain (hellloooo, I have a blog pretty much about him! hah) but I do know that Satan is working hard to sway our strong relationship. Making the bad seem good.
I know these 2 years won't be easy. But i have no doubt that we're gonna make it. I was talking to a friend last week and she said how when you really have faith in something, you don't continually pray and ask for it..you pray and thank him for it. Because you have so much faith that there's no room for doubt. And i agree. Our journey isn't close to being done yet, but rather than praying that the lord will continue to strengthen me and Muka's relationship I thank him for getting us through it. (:

Sorry this was such a long post and if it was all over the place and didn't make sense. But i just had to blog about it. whether it made sense or not Hah. (;

Our Last Monday/Tuesday and "Date"

Lol. One of the things i REALLY miss. his humor.

 We took the TRAX downtown and watched Real Steel. A MUST SEE!

Tuesday, we ate at Braza. Our fave restaurant one last time before he left! (:


  1. LOVE your blog! It's so nice to see that other MG's are blogging about their waiting experience!
    :) Hang in there, time flies!! Stay busy :)

  2. Stephanie! Thank you! you and your missionary are adorable. i absolutely love your blog as well. can't wait till i get as far into the journey as u! ..i'm so excited to here u "welcome home" story!